Bad Jokes
by zanganito
Summary: Conrart discovers that he might have more in common with José than he previously thought.


**Disclaimer**: I don't own Kyo kara Maoh.

**Warnings**: Angst and some unfunny puns.

**Author's Note**: I really like José - what is more awesome than a doctor who runs around having fun all the time, loves anime/magna, and plays with action figures? And who could ever forget the plaque pun that José made? I really would have liked to see more José and Conrart interaction in episode 26 of the anime…so I wrote some more!

I hope you enjoy!

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><p>Conrart still wasn't entirely convinced that José was just an average mazoku. He glanced over at the double-black who was currently driving something called a truck. José had explained that there was nothing magical about a truck, but Conrart was skeptical about that as well. He didn't know what reasons José would have for keeping him in the dark, but maybe there were still things about this world that Conrart just didn't understand.<p>

Some might find it overwhelming to be sent to a strange land and be entirely dependent on the kindness of someone they had never met before. Lots of things were new: the language*, the food, the technology, the customs…

Conrart had initially trusted José because they had something in common. When José held up the corked bottle containing the soul he was guarding, Conrart realized that they had a similar mission. He had trusted the doctor and gone with him because that was the most logical course of action at the time. And it seemed that José really did want to help him. But now, as he sat in a magical invention, heading to an unknown destination to supposedly meet the Maou of the Earth, he was starting to have second thoughts. He wasn't sure which he should find more disturbing; that José had action figures of some of Conrart's family members, or that the doctor had thought that Conrart would find them entertaining while he gave him something called vaccinations.

What exactly were José's motivations in all of this? And who was Bob?

He felt a weight around his neck and glanced down at the blue pendant. A pang of guilt shot through his midsection as he realized how long it had been since he had last thought of her. Not that it was entirely his fault. Adjusting to a different world was distracting and time consuming. He picked the pendant up in his hand and stared at it. He had never considered himself good enough for her, but at the very least now she would occupy every free moment of his thoughts. It was the least he could do. Conrart had always known that the world wasn't fair, but how could it possibly be so monstrous as to take the life of someone so kind and perfect?

A cheerful voice interrupted his melancholy musings.

"I'm hungry." José said mostly to himself.

Conrart continued to stare resolutely at the blue pendant.

"Are you hungry?" José asked. "You look like you could use some food. Let's stop and get something to eat."

Conrart sighed and allowed the blue pendant to drop inside his shirt again.

"What do you want to eat?" José asked, not put off by Conrart's previous unresponsiveness.

Conrart just gave him a blank look.

"Oh, I guess you wouldn't know what to choose from, huh?" José continued happily. "Don't worry; I'll pick something out for you."

José stopped the truck in front of a brightly colored structure that Conrart did not recognize. José paused, as if considering something then said, "Wait here, I'll be right back."

Conrart watched as José walked off into the building. He looked down at the pendant again. Where had he been? Oh, yes…

No, it wasn't fair at all. Julia should have been the one to survive. Perhaps she would have if she hadn't given him the necklace.

He remembered how the stone had turned purple, stained with his own blood. Or maybe it had been the blood of his enemies; it was hard to tell at that point. He remembered the horrible stabbing, burning pain in his side as he tried to move. The pain was so intense he _wished_ he was dead, even as he struggled to breathe. He had been fully prepared for death, to martyr himself in the faint hope of improving his world. He hadn't been prepared to live on at the expense of another…

His thoughts were interrupted yet again as José shoved a strangely shaped food package and drink container into his hands.

It was food wrapped in parchment. It must be special for them to go through the trouble of using such expensive materials to wrap food. Conrart reverently set the packaged food off to one side and focused on his drink.

"Fast food isn't very healthy." José said apologetically. "But it's better than nothing! And coffee is always good!"

Sometimes José was completely incomprehensible.

Conrart took a sip of his drink. It was bitter, and tasted similar to a drink that the nobles occasionally indulged in. Gwendel was particularly fond of the bitter beverage since it allowed him to focus on paper-work even if he was tired. Conrart had seen one of the farms where it was grown during his travels with his father and had watched the peasants harvest the red berries. He wondered if it was the same here.

"Does it grow on trees?" he asked hesitantly.

José looked over at him as if he had said something extremely profound. "Yes, it does. They keep them trimmed short so they are easier to harvest. I spent some time before I entered medical school working on a coffee farm. It's a lot of work, but a lot of fun too!"

Conrart only half-listened as José went on to describe all the events that affected the flavor of the end product including climate, elevation, soil quality, tree species, and handling of the beans during and after drying.

…but I guess there are people who have other opinions as well. After all, coffee has bean the grounds of much heated and strong discussion."

Conrart glanced over sharply at José, but the other mazoku was already intently watching the road with an unreadable expression. Conrart paused for a few minutes to think over the words. Had José said what he had thought he said? Conrart wasn't confident enough with his English skills to be entirely certain.

He took another sip of his coffee.

"Even though this coffee was _ground_, it tastes good." Conrart said.

José laughed and flashed a huge grin. "Hey, that's a good one." he said. "You know you understand a language well when you can make puns."

So he had gotten it right. Maybe he and José had even more in common than he had previously thought.

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><p><strong>Author's Note<strong>: You managed to survive the angst and puns. Hurray! Let me know what you think, and if you would be interested in more Conrart + José / Conrart on Earth fics.

*I based the language learning on a part from one of the novels rather than the anime.


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